Justine,

 I Heard When You Discussed Friends With Benefits & I Wanted To Tell You My Story:

This guy I have been friends with for 2 years. When I met him at a social networking event it was an instant attraction. He was involved at the time so we became friends. We worked near each other we would meet for lunch talk on the phone from time to time and chat on the computer. Even though we were attracted we didn't make any advances at that time towards each other because of his relationship.   Long story short him and his lady broke up. I would lend him my ear and friendship while he was going through the breakup.

As time went on he started making sexual advances towards me.  I told my girlfriend, " I'm not messing with him.  He just wants sex from me".  For some reason I changed my mind and agreed to have sex with him knowing he didn't want a relationship.

The night we met at  a club in DC and his exact words were, "I don't think we should do this I don't want to mess up our friendship".  My reply was, "Why are we having this conversation?"

We started having no strings once a week sex. Prior to sleeping with him I cared about the brother we were friends and I really cared about him. The first couple of times we had sex I would leave and go home. He started asking me to spend the night. That's when all the cuddling and snuggling started and I started to catch feelings.  I mentioned that I was catching feelings to him and he recommended that we go back to being just friends. Now I'm broken hearted and got mad at him and told him, "I don't want to be your friend at all".

Another male friend said I was wrong so I called him and apologized we are still friends now. He even said that he was messed up when I didn't want to be friends anymore that he was telling everyone he lost a friend...they thought I died because he was upset.  I told him we are still friends but I just need some time to get this out of my system.

I'm still in love with him Justine and it hurts because I should have never slept with a friend and I'm missing the sex and missing being next to him at night. I haven't talked to him because I'm still upset.  I feel that the last woman damaged him and he is scared to get involved again.

 What advice can you give me?

 Dear Confused:

Sister, if I have said it once, I have it said twice.  You must respect the most important treasure in the world which is friendship!  Friendship does not mean relationship.  Sometime we all make the mistake of thinking we can handle a platonic sexual relationship.  Ain't no such thing! I am sorry that you are hurting, but you were a shoulder to cry and warm body to take away the emptiness and hurt he was feeling. Unfortunately, that kind of friendship cannot be returned to in its original state.  You changed the rules and the boundaries.  You didn't listen the man told you he didn't want a relationship!

Let's chalk it up to lessons learned and move on. I know that is going to be soooooooooooooooooooooo hard, but you will survive.  Please do not be bitter.  If you dwell on it you will block all of the goodness and loving spirits that are trying to come into your life. 

Always remember if no one told you today they I love you ....I do

Always, Justine