Hi Justine -
 
I recently got married in November of 2006 to my long time boyfriend of 8 years.  We had some really rough times but stuck it out and eventually tied the knot.  My issue is that I still have very real feelings for a man that I met about 5 years ago, while my then boyfriend and I was going through a short lived breakup.  The man was married then and I really did not mind because I wasn't looking for a relationship just an out from all the turmoil I was going through.  Now that I am married he seems to have a lot of time to spend with me and wants me to be his woman on the side.  I know that its wrong to even consider, but I am confused.  I would really appreciate anything you can tell me that may help me walk away from this situation with a clear conscious.
 
 
 
Dear involved in a triangle,
 
Let me ask you two questions I want you to consider,
 
1) Did you resolve the problems with your husband before you got married?
 
2) Your SWAS (Single with a Spouse) is he still married and if he cared about you why is he still pursuing you knowing you are married?
 
Now as you ponder those questions during those rough times and the separation from your then boyfriend this other man supplied you with the attention you need because you were hurting.  You might felt that you were in control because you felt that you did not have any emotional ties but you did.
 You made a committement the day you said I do and you choose your husband to be your life partner. Leave it alone and keep those feelings in the past where that relationship is. 
 
Thank him if you like for being supportive during a crossroad in your life but your heart and mind is where you want to be.  If he really cares about he will honor your wishes and wish you the happiness you deserved and hopefully he find his own.
 
Remember if no one told you today I love you…I do
Always, Justine